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Sobering Thoughts

Control

In the very beginning I learned that I was “powerless.”  And it is true, to this day, that I am powerless when it comes to alcohol.  The awareness that I have an “obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body” is invaluable.  At times, however, I have misinterpreted this powerlessness as true of all people, places and things.  Imagine if every time you went in to a situation you said to yourself, I have no power here.  You might as well let people and the world walk all over you, right?  Very wise people have taught me that I actually have power – especially the power to choose. When I surrender to alcohol and enlist the power of someone or something greater than myself, I am empowered to live a life of freedom having escaped the oppression of alcohol.  It turns out that I have confused power with control.  I have at times approached Recovery as if I could figure it out and move on to my life; when it actually means that I accept I know very little and that I can control absolutely nothing. But to acknowledge the power that I have over the choices in my life has lifted me from being a victim of alcoholism to someone who is grateful that my disease has taught me, when I chose to work the Steps and integrate them into my daily living, that I can be in awe of the world and its facets instead of blaming the world for my woes by saying “it is because I am an alcoholic.”  Today, I have no business questioning my disease or engaging in constant mental gymnastics over my spiritual, mental, and physical disease.  But I can and want to be “baffled” and “challenged,” both personally and professionally, to be the person I was intended to be.  Today this means that I have no control and very little security, but that I face the challenges and enjoy the journey that truly begins each time that I do not know which way to go.  These times are no longer a burden, an excuse to be a victim again, they are an opportunity to heard the singing and to participate in the hum of the world.  Image

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