Death and Discovery
Many people say to me things like, “so are you all better now?” Of course I can only say, “today I am great or today I am doing okay.” When we enter Recovery we learn to live “one day at a time” and we learn that the “same man and woman will drink again.” Many of us go, “great I thought all I had to do was stop drinking!” Far from it; Recovery is a life long process of discovery. It is so important that we work the Steps so that this discovery can take its course. In the discovery process I have learned who I was and I have learned who I am becoming. I knew fairly quickly that drinking was just a “symptom” of the larger problem of how I had come to view the world. I recently read these words by Mark Nepo:
“What this means is that I have to be conscientious about being truthful and resist the urge to accomodate my truth away. It means that being who I really ami is not forbidden or muted just because others are uncomfortable, or don’t want to hear it.”
He really is right. When you accomdate everyone else in an effort to people please and hide or run away from the truth, a part of you is slowly dying. It is clear to me today that I was giving everyone but me what they needed. Ironically, alcohol was the only way I could continue to do it in the end. Then when I gave up drinking I had no idea who I was. I was like dried flowers holding their shape on the outside but dead on the inside. Then it all began to change.