Sobering Thoughts

Death and Discovery

Many people say to me things like, “so are you all better now?”  Of course I can only say, “today I am great or today I am doing okay.”  When we enter Recovery we learn to live “one day at a time” and we learn that the “same man and woman will drink again.”  Many of us go, “great I thought all I had to do was stop drinking!”  Far from it; Recovery is a life long process of discovery.  It is so important that we work the Steps so that this discovery can take its course.  In the discovery process I have learned who I was and I have learned who I am becoming.  I knew fairly quickly that drinking was just a “symptom” of the larger problem of how I had come to view the world. I recently read these words by Mark Nepo:

“What this means is that I have to be conscientious about being truthful and resist the urge to accomodate my truth away.  It means that being who I really ami is not forbidden or muted just because others are uncomfortable, or don’t want to hear it.”IMG_9029

He really is right.  When you accomdate everyone else in an effort to people please and hide or run away from the truth, a part of you is slowly dying. It is clear to me today that I was giving everyone but me what they needed.  Ironically, alcohol was the only way I could continue to do it in the end.  Then when I gave up drinking I had no idea who I was.  I was like dried flowers holding their shape on the outside but dead on the inside.  Then it all began to change.


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